Saturday, October 12, 2013

Halloween Horror, Day 11: Airborne

If you know me personally, you probably know that I'm fascinated by viruses. To me, nothing's scarier than a film about unknown pathogens. I turned on Airborne (2012) assuming that it'd be a C+ contagion-related movie, and I was terribly, terribly wrong. Instead, I was met by the worst movie I've watched this month. Let's recount the 5 reasons why Airborne failed to take off.


1. It's called Airborne, but there aren't any airborne pathogens. (Okay, so that's just my personal irritation.) Instead, the film just its title from being the last flight to take off during a storm -- that's it. It only gets less interesting from there.

2. Why are there only 10 people on this plane? There's no way a double-decker international flight would take off in a threatening storm. The cost of losing an expensive airplane is much, much more than moderately inconveniencing a handful of folks.

3. Most bad horror movies try to include at least one well-known actor. This usually comes in the form of Malcolm McDowell, which would have improved the film exponentially. Instead, we get Mark Hamill. While he was perfectly fine in the film, I don't think his presence had any impact on the movie.

4. There's no real reason to care what happens on the plane. The best people on board are just plain boring; the worst people, criminals. Taking down the plane will result in only the slightest amount of civilian casualties, and it does the world a favor.

5. Putting people in danger on an airplane is easy; it's what you do with it that determines whether or not the movie will be interesting. If the best thing you can come up with is an ancient Chinese spirit inside of a vase, you need help. If you then have that spirit possess people and force them to commit suicide, you probably need clinic help.

If you want to watch a scarier movie set on an airplane, do yourself a favor and watch Red Eye or even Airplane.

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